This is from Andi's Posterous.com blog:
I remember, just months ago, I was so into setting up a tea party even by myself, while waiting for the ceremonial "I do's" of Prince William and Kate. I was dreaming with my eyes open as I envisioned myself having my wedding similar, with only less of a budget difference, as compared to theirs. Now, I have to stay home and deal with feeling like a planet, while I wait for the ultimate due date. I thought, maybe thinking about how my life should be right now, like the freedom and lightness of dreaming of the next wedding of the century, would readily bring me to tears again. Tears of regret in terms of being fully aware of the greatness and success that should have been. But no. No, because God really does love me.
As soon as I have learned to embrace the fact that instead of having a child at the age of 29, it was blessed upon me as early as now, all those points that would usually bring me to endless tears, have remained to be dreams, STILL highly possible from coming true. This just goes to show that, yes, amidst the lack of maternal instincts and no ounce of being nurturing or maternal whatsoever, I am now undoubtedly ready to raise a child on my own. Of course this comes with being lucky enough to have the best set of supportive family members. Sadly, in life, not everything has to go our way. God didn't create us to be immature spoiled brats who have to get everything as planned. Nothing's perfect, but I can assure you one thing: God is awesome and He knows whats best for us, without a doubt. Though not everything may go our way, things will always end up to be just what would keep us happy and contented. The key I guess, is to not expect things way too much. This will only lead to our hearts being bruised and then scarred. I've had my fair share of heartbreak and pain, and I must admit, they didn't go so well at all. But it's not like Im the daughter of Satan walking the streets of Earth to help let evil overpower this world. I go about each and everyday making sure, I do things that I want, and believe is right, specially without hurting anyone. I never intend to come off as a bad person, in any way whatsoever. And so this state I'm in is something I shouldn't and wouldn't be ashamed of.
Maybe instead of feeling bad that Albie left me to take on this responsibility by myself, I should thank him for giving me the opportunity go out and find genuine happiness once again. I'd obviously love for him to be around eventually. You know, to save myself the struggle to find a good way to explain his absence to his child. At the same time, I'd understand. Cus after all, I have no idea who or what kind of a person all the fame and fortune has turned him into now. All I hope is that he's well.
So what about walking down the isle in my awesome white gown? With make up i would try to do myself, just like royals, Kate Middleton and Queen Elizabeth have done? What about my goal of having the next wedding of the century with lovely guests wearing the trendiest hats? What about grabbing even half as much acting awards as my mom and dad? What about that goal to set out and make a difference? What about that entire journey to genuine happiness through success? What about them all? The answer to that isn't even that there are better things planned out for me. Its-- I just need to wait patiently for the perfect time. Everything will soon fall into place.